dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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