Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
