so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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