if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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