you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
