I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
