it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
