I molested 6 butterflies tonight
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
