Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
