So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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