If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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