so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
