Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
