ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
