It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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