so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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