Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
