Jerry, you need to find god
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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