Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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