I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
