tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
