EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
