dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
