Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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