My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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