Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
