dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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