I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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