dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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