Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
