My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I skipped work to stalk him.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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