Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
