Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
