I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
