very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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