yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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