I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize