Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
