Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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