he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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