I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
