How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
