I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
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