I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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