what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
