they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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