Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Randomize
