When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
