it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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