I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Dear god my vagina.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
