theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
