dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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