my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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