he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
