Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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