new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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