I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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