So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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